Men-O-Paus-A-Rama: The Second Development of the Female Frontal Lobe
Just a Gal, Entering Her Crone Era
Okay, so I have had this theory for a recent little bit and I finally decided to collect my thoughts and do a little digging to see if my speculation was in fact correct.
The theory: As women enter their forties, we have a second development of our frontal lobes.
You see, something happens to us when we climb over the hill and hit the big 4-0, and since this is related to women and medicine, I figured that we haven’t heard of this second brain developmental stage because, well… the women get it. The medical industry (yes, industry is my word of choice here) is kind of a joke for the ladies since every concern can conveniently be cured by losing 10 pounds, but I’ll touch on that later.
Getting back to my point, at forty-ish the woman who spent twenty years making herself smaller suddenly starts taking up space. The one who apologized for everything begins saying “no” — it is a complete sentence after all. Someone quits a job they've hated for decades. Someone else starts painting. A friend cuts off ten inches of hair and says she's never felt more like herself. In a man’s world these are hysterics but to the 40+ year old gal going through it, it just kind of makes sense.
Curiosity got the best of me and I started researching this theory, here I was carrying around unearned confidence like a man, thinking I was about to discover somewhere in a neuroscience journal there existed a paper about this very topic, but alas, I was completely wrong. Our brains do not go through a second redevelopment. Bummer.
While my little theory doesn’t hold an ounce of water, I happened to stumble upon the work of neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Mosconi, who studies the brain during menopause, and while she doesn’t confirm my theory, she did describe menopause as a neurological transition or “brain remodeling”. So, women don’t get a second awaking and development of our frontal lobes, but we do get a flood of hormones that dip and spike and make us feel completely out of sorts. Maybe the hormones unlock the gateway to this new outlook. Maybe. Or maybe there is something else at play here. Let’s venture back up to the top of this article, where I mentioned the medical industry and let’s bring up her sister: the beauty industry.
By forty we've spent decades being brainwashed by men and society to look, act and be a certain way. Literally, it's exhausting carrying around a version of yourself built entirely for someone else's comfort, but we do it, or we did it. I remember being a teen and getting magazines from the drugstore and looking at these layouts of perfect looking people and just knowing that I wasn’t going to measure up to that standard. Walking down the aisle of said drugstore also was product after product of emotional warfare telling us that we needed creams and pills with “anti” aging and cellulite properties. There were thick sticks of skin tone “cover ups” to hide our tired eyes and give us a “youthful glow.” But then one day something inside us shifts and we flip the switch and BAM, zero fucks are given from here on out. I don’t know about you, but I went from choosing comfort over style, practicality over desirability, I went from staying quiet to shouting and I definitely went from caring to not caring at all about other people’s opinions.
Now that I am in my forties, I am embracing a societal archetype that the mainstream would have you cast out or be ashamed to be associated with. She is THE CRONE!
These are women who have lived long enough to stop performing. The Crone doesn't care if she's beautiful. She isn't shrinking herself to fit inside someone else's story. She's making soup and vibing in her cottage, growing herbs in her garden and reading books by the fire. She is thrifting, aka collecting little treasures, and she has lived it and seen some shit, The Crone knows things. If I'm being honest... She sounds a like every version of womanhood I hope to become.
Now were at the part of my research and theorizing where I got the idea that maybe this “second phase of frontal lobe development” coincided with the Witch Trials; so I followed that rabbit hole. While It’s not disputed that history has always seemed uncomfortable around women like The Crone its confirmed that the folks hanged and burned in the witch trials were both young and old and even some men were considered witches. These were the women who lived outside the expected roles of wife and mother were often treated with suspicion. These were the village healers, midwives and widows. Women with knowledge, some without husbands, but all who only answered to themselves. While we called them witches like it was a bad thing, I’m pretty certain that what frightened people (aka men, aka authority) wasn't magic, it was independence.
I know I kind of went all over the place in this one, but I guess my Crone era is showing and I have a lot to say about this topic. I strongly believe that growing older isn't about becoming invisible but becoming visible to yourself for the very first time.
So... Was my theory right? No, not at all. Women don't grow a second frontal lobe development in our forties, at least, not according to science. Maybe menopause remodels the brain hormonally and maybe life experience remodels our ability to set firmer expectations and stop shrinking in the shadows. Maybe our confidence blooms and for the first time in decades we can hear our own voice over everyone else's. I don’t have all the answers, I actually don’t have any of them, but whatever it is... I don't think women disappear in midlife. First handedly, I feel like life is just beginning.
I think we just finally stop performing long enough to discover who we've been all along. And honestly? I kind of think that’s way cooler than growing our frontal lobes redeveloping.